THE OLD MAN

March 3rd, 2015---Was one of a kind day for everyone including me, at first.
I starting my day yelling at my mother, actually it happen often as always. Because both of us are not made to be "Budy". So, yelling bumbling to each other already daily activity for us. Isn't because we HATE each other its just because we do not know how to show our LOVE.

After that, if you live in capital city just like Jakarta, Traffic Jam is our Breakfast and our Dinner. It's take 2 hours from my house to office. I Hate this one, but i know i cannot live anywhere else.

When i arrived at office, my colluage makes my high blood pressure increaseeee more and more. Well, i cannot blame anyone else again. We all should be blame. The atmosphere are different now. We are running to be better just give us some break.

And then my feeling getting more bad. It's feel like dejavu back to 2006, when someone who supposed to be my brother makes my life turn 180'. He trying to blow a warm wind then suddenly it turn to Typhoon.  Did i blame him for what i feel? YES.
That's makes me feel so Upset and Sad, i just hate to have the same feeling again. i totally doesnt want it, i regret it ever happen into my life and now here the feeling comes again. And it's almost the same. but i wish this time wasn't typhoon.

The 4 things that happen on that day absolutely ruined my day, bad mood, frustration, disappointed, angry, sad, upset. " Well you know how if it happen to you, right !"

And i just want to relieve myself by WALKING. It's become my habbit since i was kiddos. When i'm upset, angry, jealous, or confused Walking makes me think so clearly. Walking makes me calm. Walking makes me feel better.
So, it's because the thing called WALK makes me feel better, i decide to go to a mall. Just walking around 3 times then go back to bus stop and go home. "Okay, i stop to bought a Bakpao, after feel better my stomach ask for meals. i just realized i almost haven't any meals a day.."

And at the bus to home i met this old man. Ex-Army, in his early 80's, his name Pak Eddi Suhaedi. He went home, from manggarai take bus to the terminal blokm, and take bus no 77 to his house. there we meet.
Bus route that does not pass through the usual, bus cut straight to kemang then back again to blokm. "That's stupid, silly thing that will happen to you if you take a bus at night. Btw, didnt happen to Transjakarta. "
The driver as Pak Eddi to get off the bus near with Kemang Food Festival. Actually i know when a girl came with pak Eddi at Terminal Blok-m. She ask the driver to take off pak eddi at McDonald Kemang.

Kemang food festival to Mcd Kemang was so far for an old man with stick to helping him walking like Pak Eddi. So i volunteering my self to accompany Pak Eddi to Mcd Kemang. Along the way he told me that he used to be a soldier, only a colonel, that now he is living with someone who helped him at home, and his children all go to work. He ask to stop for resting when we are infront of  bookstore and cafe Ak-Sa-Ra Kemang. The securities ask me where we want to go because he looks Pak Eddi so tired. I told Mr.Securities about Pak Eddi,  he want to go home, the bus stop and get off him in KemFodFest, and i help him to Mcd Kemang. Mr. Securities in his late 40's looks very kind, he told me that if he's not in duty he will help Pak Eddi. Unfortunately.
While resting, Pak Eddi gave me a paper, when i take a look it's an article about oldest "Lansia", Well beside ex-army he also having a good hobbies, writting. I read his addres was on the paper. He lives in North Kemang. Well, it's about 1 km from McD Kemang, the i ask if he want to go by taxi ? He said No, its okay he will use Ojek (motorcyle's rent) by Mcd Kemang.

We started our journey to Mcd Kemang. Said thank you to Mr. Securities, who also waving to us. From Ak-Sa-Ra to Mcd Kemang its 300 meters left. Infront of Mcd Kemang there is base for ojek. When we get closer i'm a bit doubtful to ask the man who sitting on his motorcycle, because the way he looks so not Mr. Ojek. I'm asking slowly "Are you ojek ?"
He said "Yes, where are you going ?" releaved, then i told him again about Pak Eddi, i also giving him the paper that Pak Eddi gives to me because there is an address there, so he can take Pak Eddi to home. Then He said okay, I give him 2 pieces of ten thousand rupiah. He refused my money. "It's okay miss, you can keep your money. i'll help him."

Thats was so awesome, i'm sure he is not just kind Mr. Ojek. His sunglasses are one of best brand and expensive one (i know because it's so similiar with my brother in law used), his leather jacket the good quality ones and his smells so good. Yahh...good looking-lah. So i called him Mr. Ojek Good Looking. hehehe

Then, Mr. Ojek Good Looking with Pak Eddi leave to Pak Eddi home, and me left behind waiting for walking again to my home.

Ahhh iya, before leave Pak Eddi wish me luck to my college and wish me get the best in life, he also ask to giving a kiss on the cheek as a thank you. I said " Sorry, you can't" Hahahaha...at that time i just realize he is a STRANGERs that i help!! hahahaha

"Sorry Pak, you can't kiss my cheek. Only my Father, my brothers, my uncle's, my cousin's, and nephew's are allowed to kiss me on cheek.

End of stories, while volunteering to Pak Eddi, walking back home, meet Mr. Securities that before i thought he will just help foreign and sexy girls and also rich man, and then meets Mr. Ojek Good Looking. They all STRANGERS.
But, they all nice, friendly, and thats human being.

Through all this makes me think.
I cannot said sorry the way you want
I cannot show my love the way anyone else do
I cannot feel the same being with all of you just like 4 years ago
I cannot accept the way i felt by being rejected when i'm asking for help.

I just want you to accept me without worries, without pretending, and without compensation.
Pak Eddi, Mr. Securities and Mr. Ojek Good Looking, show me that; Pak Eddi didnt worries to accpt my help or worries i'll do something bad, i am a stranger.

Mr. Securities feels bad because he can't help Pak Eddi, and he is not pretending.

And then Mr. Ojek Good Looking, Help me also Pak Eddi without compensation.

And I just can say....
"Thanks god for the magical learning that i get. Thank you for every step you gave to me, so i can step ahead to accepting myself."

-Naviethu-